I find myself plunk down in the deep middle of Empty Nest Syndrome.
I knew it was coming, there was no stopping it. It was not a surprise. I raised my two kids to be as strong and independent as possible while still letting them know, with no preconditions, that I was always there for them when and if they needed me. I will be. It is the one certainty of my life. I will be there for my kids if and when they need me.
But damn, this Empty Nest crap is a toughie for *Mommy* the Great!!!!!!
Ours was the neighborhood house where you could always find room for more kids to play. I was not June Cleaver. I was also not Roseanne (lolol). I did not do things by any self-help books...or because someone else said it was *the way things had to be done*. I just loved my kids and wanted a safe place for them to play and enjoy life, embrace fun and smell as many kind of roses as possible along the way.
Truth be known I was a very friendly *rebel* of a mom.
It is simply what I chose to be important in my life.
Now, as an independent (politically, too!) woman, with time on her hands, I turned back to one of the things that had filled my busy hours during my marriage and early Momdom. TEDDIES. Making Warm Fuzzies.
As I dragged out my original patterns, tweaking some, changing arms and leg styles, opening the magic boxes of supplies that could, with some loving stitches, be turned into little critters that can't help but make you smile from the inside out, I realized that they would become my new *kids* in a way. I could transfer my need to have a lot of love in the house to these addictive delights.
The cats don't mind :) They curl up close to me in the late evenings when I am home from work and social doings and snooze while I stitch yet another fuzzie being into existance.
Tom, my youngest and most curious of felines will try to steal the spools of thread (he isn't interested in the empty ones, just the ones I want to use of course) until I let him have one. Then of course it doesn't interest him anyway. His joy is in the theft.
As the warm fuzzies take shape, the undeniable personality starts to form. Ohhh so cute (laughing at myself!). The creative need flows in my heart again. It's always around in some form. Some more fun than others. But I've transferred the need to create something lovable into a little ball of mohair and polyfil. And it reminded me of my kids.
For what are children but the ultimate gift of creation? The supreme personification of miracles and wonder? The most difficult and meaningful challenge of a woman who chooses to bear them. The little buggers (grin)
But you know, Teddies love you unconditionally. And quietly!!! They don't wake you up in the middle of the night on the phone, needing a ride home. They don't leave all the lights on in the house or eat twice the contents of a refrigerator in one day. The don't give you moments of excruciating worry, nor wring your heart to the core. They don't demand, want, need...anything! LOL. I kind of like that.
My strength in embracing the Empty Nest Syndrome has grown over the last few years. I enjoy being in my own body, and I have always been pretty good friends with my mind and soul. I will forever be great friends with my kids. I relish my independence. I cherish the sanctuary of my home. And I can create these wondrously fun warm fuzzies to feed the little achy spot that is inevitable in the life of a Mom of grown kids.
Hmm. Not transference, maybe...magnification!
Big smile. Yeah. I like that concept.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Game of Tag :)
Hello Nancy! I saw you creeping in to tag me while I was off doing any number of mindless things on my day off!~ today is one of those *bimboesque* moments outwiegh the *brilliant femme* days (grin)~ but I am game!
I'm linking back to Nancy's darling Dog Patch Critters so you can enjoy the picture of the beach she has in her Tagged Post! (brrrr, it is bright and beautiful at the moment in Ohio, but ridiculously COLD) Thank-you Nancy for reminding me of two things with the beach pic...I am landlocked (lol) and that I love my son dearly (he lives a block away from the ocean in St. Petersburg!)
Six Things you never knew about me, and probably will forget tomorrow! (I'll keep it clean, I promise!)
1) I appeared on the musical stage in my younger years.
2) I am a writer of erotic romance and had my own online publishing company for three years.
3) If we could come back as an animal I would be a TIGER in the wild.
4) George Clooney looks just like my Dad did when he was young so I can't perv on him!
5) Sang "Kiss Today Goodbye" on the site of Ann Boleyn's scaffold while visiting the Tower of London. (got a few Brit's laughing in the process!)
6) What I miss most about my childhood is climbing trees. :) I was always up in some tree!
Rules of the Tag:
If you are on the list below you have been tagged to write 6 random things about you.
Bear Bits by Ginger
Brimbin Forest Bears
Lemon Wolf Bears
Lakeland Teddies
White Forest Bears
Kids and Teddy, too
THE RULES (for this game of tag):
1. LINK TO THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU
2. POST THE RULES ON YOUR BLOG
3. WRITE SIX RANDOM THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
4. TAG SIX PEOPLE AT THE END OF YOUR POST AND LINK TO THEM
5. LET EACH PERSON KNOW THEY ARE TAGGED AND LEAVE A COMMENT ON THEIR BLOG
6.LET THE TAGGER KNOW WHEN YOUR ENTRY IS UP
7. DON’T BREAK THE CHAIN (not actually a rule)
You're it and I quit! (lolol~another charming phrase from childhood!)
I'm linking back to Nancy's darling Dog Patch Critters so you can enjoy the picture of the beach she has in her Tagged Post! (brrrr, it is bright and beautiful at the moment in Ohio, but ridiculously COLD) Thank-you Nancy for reminding me of two things with the beach pic...I am landlocked (lol) and that I love my son dearly (he lives a block away from the ocean in St. Petersburg!)
Six Things you never knew about me, and probably will forget tomorrow! (I'll keep it clean, I promise!)
1) I appeared on the musical stage in my younger years.
2) I am a writer of erotic romance and had my own online publishing company for three years.
3) If we could come back as an animal I would be a TIGER in the wild.
4) George Clooney looks just like my Dad did when he was young so I can't perv on him!
5) Sang "Kiss Today Goodbye" on the site of Ann Boleyn's scaffold while visiting the Tower of London. (got a few Brit's laughing in the process!)
6) What I miss most about my childhood is climbing trees. :) I was always up in some tree!
Rules of the Tag:
If you are on the list below you have been tagged to write 6 random things about you.
Bear Bits by Ginger
Brimbin Forest Bears
Lemon Wolf Bears
Lakeland Teddies
White Forest Bears
Kids and Teddy, too
THE RULES (for this game of tag):
1. LINK TO THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU
2. POST THE RULES ON YOUR BLOG
3. WRITE SIX RANDOM THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
4. TAG SIX PEOPLE AT THE END OF YOUR POST AND LINK TO THEM
5. LET EACH PERSON KNOW THEY ARE TAGGED AND LEAVE A COMMENT ON THEIR BLOG
6.LET THE TAGGER KNOW WHEN YOUR ENTRY IS UP
7. DON’T BREAK THE CHAIN (not actually a rule)
You're it and I quit! (lolol~another charming phrase from childhood!)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
It got to my heart.
Watching the Inauguration coverage a bit. Tearing up a bit. Proud of my country a lot. Hopeful...tremendously. Amazing history being made.
I've seen a lot of history. And it has always given me a very quiet, personal sense of gratitude and pride that because of the era I was born in (1950's) I have watched astounding changes come over the country/world/universe/society. I guess everyone thinks their generation is the most magical, and that is probably how it should be, but today while I was watching a bit of the Inauguration coverage, I got choked up!
This is an incredible moment in history for a country that, inspite of its forward thinking and brash boldness, has fallen painfully behind in some aspects of prejudice and fear, racially and gender-wise. And I am living in it. I am experiencing it. I'm not reading about it in books. I am HERE.
I will admit that I wanted a woman in the White House. A particular, specific woman I was very proudly backing, cheering and defending. She fell a bit short and that history will wait for another magical moment. However, I knew that when she didn't get that brass ring, the man who did would be extraordinary, given the chance.
He was given the chance. No, he earned the chance. With intelligence, grace, drive, focus...and did I mention intelligence?
I have renewed hope and faith in my country to right some wrongs, correct some mistakes and turn life around for millions of people who have felt betrayed, ignored and shafted by this soon-to-be-out-of-there-THANK-GODDESS administration. (small moment of deadened silence for my true feelings to seethe in quiet curses)
New mistakes will be made, of course. Not all promises will be kept to the letter. The struggle will be fraught with potential roadblocks and power plays. THAT will never change.
But the sheer wonder of having the first President of African American heritage, raised by a unique and determined white mother/grandmother, (a true portait of the melting pot that is the real America)climbing up the same tall ladder that is within reach for so many of us and doing it with intelligence and class and dignity...well, it gets to my heart.
The hope is reborn. It's refusing to be extinguished by the cynical, ugly turns the world can and has taken so furiously.
My heart kind of aches. In a good way.
I've seen a lot of history. And it has always given me a very quiet, personal sense of gratitude and pride that because of the era I was born in (1950's) I have watched astounding changes come over the country/world/universe/society. I guess everyone thinks their generation is the most magical, and that is probably how it should be, but today while I was watching a bit of the Inauguration coverage, I got choked up!
This is an incredible moment in history for a country that, inspite of its forward thinking and brash boldness, has fallen painfully behind in some aspects of prejudice and fear, racially and gender-wise. And I am living in it. I am experiencing it. I'm not reading about it in books. I am HERE.
I will admit that I wanted a woman in the White House. A particular, specific woman I was very proudly backing, cheering and defending. She fell a bit short and that history will wait for another magical moment. However, I knew that when she didn't get that brass ring, the man who did would be extraordinary, given the chance.
He was given the chance. No, he earned the chance. With intelligence, grace, drive, focus...and did I mention intelligence?
I have renewed hope and faith in my country to right some wrongs, correct some mistakes and turn life around for millions of people who have felt betrayed, ignored and shafted by this soon-to-be-out-of-there-THANK-GODDESS administration. (small moment of deadened silence for my true feelings to seethe in quiet curses)
New mistakes will be made, of course. Not all promises will be kept to the letter. The struggle will be fraught with potential roadblocks and power plays. THAT will never change.
But the sheer wonder of having the first President of African American heritage, raised by a unique and determined white mother/grandmother, (a true portait of the melting pot that is the real America)climbing up the same tall ladder that is within reach for so many of us and doing it with intelligence and class and dignity...well, it gets to my heart.
The hope is reborn. It's refusing to be extinguished by the cynical, ugly turns the world can and has taken so furiously.
My heart kind of aches. In a good way.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Soul Hibernation
No surprise to anyone who has a clue about me, but I am a hybernating mammal. Much like the teddy bears I love to create, I enjoy the comfort and relative peaceful tranquility of hunkering down in a less-than perfectly sunny world and...frankly...breathing in and out in soft and gentle solitude. Turning off any excessively *noisy* outer-chaos and busy-ness, tuning out the persistent,vocal *go-go-go* type crowd that quite often equates activity with value, and twisting down the volume so one can hear the peace...is essential for my soul.
Excessive bright sunshine and the assumed frenetic activity that must, to some, take place during its presence, gives me an incredible headache! (smiling) The rejuvenating, uplifting value of a gorgeous, sunny day cannot be underestimated and written off lightly, of course. Nor can the joy of finding a beautiful shade tree to linger under while appreciating the beauty of the *light*! Shade dwellers can enjoy both. So can most sun-lovers, but it has nothing to do with the value of a person or their worth on earth if they prefer the calm of relaxing in shade to the constant motion of solar driven activity. And I find those who assume otherwise , well, half empty. Even as a youthful sun-worshipping, tan accumulating female (our kickiest fashion sense was based highly on summertime *tanability*) I knew when to get out of the frickin heat rays before my skin and brain were toast. (and...wistful sigh, I tanned so very well!)
This earth wasn't originally created to see how much noise we could make or how fast we could accomplish....what?...pushing ourselves to daily exhaustion by the time the earth turned her shoulder away from the scorching relentless gas pockets belching from the surface of an unforgiving, morbidly obese star (grin) before our beloved reflective moon makes her appearance in the sky? It's the BALANCE of the two that creates a full circle of life. Without the sun, the moon would go dark. Without the moon, romance, dreams and mystery could go dark as well!
Balance. And the appreciation of the need for it.
Where did this inner soapbox oratory come from? Well, we were under a winter storm advisory for the last two days. People bustled around fretting, moaning, bitching, complaining, worrying, predicting what would happen in this area that is very well accustomed to winter storm advisories. Then there were a handful that had this little inner glow of a smile on their face. Like a gift was about to arrive on their life's doorstep. We all knew we were going to hit the local grocery store on our way home from work, grab a few extra cans of soup, bread and milk and deal with whatever Mother Nature bestowed upon us. And some of us loved the possibilities.
We got about half the predicted wet stuff; it laid a sparkling blanket of white all over the place that was muddy and gloomy from days of gray. When I opened my curtains this morning, there is was. A calming cover. The sound of momentary peace and tranquility under a blanket of white over everything that by the evening would be plowed and shoveled and shifted so that daily life could still go on for those who by the nature of bad timing would have to venture outside. It was all quite *doable* for the modern world that had to continue.
But I smiled from the inside out. It was a hybernating day for me. And now, I am going to push back from the keyboard and the little flat screen that allows me to be part of a much bigger world and takes me to magical places I will never in my 3-D life experience, curl up with a fuzzy fleece blanket, three feline buddies, a steamy Oregon Chai at arms length, and just... breathe the calm. Soul hibernation.
Excessive bright sunshine and the assumed frenetic activity that must, to some, take place during its presence, gives me an incredible headache! (smiling) The rejuvenating, uplifting value of a gorgeous, sunny day cannot be underestimated and written off lightly, of course. Nor can the joy of finding a beautiful shade tree to linger under while appreciating the beauty of the *light*! Shade dwellers can enjoy both. So can most sun-lovers, but it has nothing to do with the value of a person or their worth on earth if they prefer the calm of relaxing in shade to the constant motion of solar driven activity. And I find those who assume otherwise , well, half empty. Even as a youthful sun-worshipping, tan accumulating female (our kickiest fashion sense was based highly on summertime *tanability*) I knew when to get out of the frickin heat rays before my skin and brain were toast. (and...wistful sigh, I tanned so very well!)
This earth wasn't originally created to see how much noise we could make or how fast we could accomplish....what?...pushing ourselves to daily exhaustion by the time the earth turned her shoulder away from the scorching relentless gas pockets belching from the surface of an unforgiving, morbidly obese star (grin) before our beloved reflective moon makes her appearance in the sky? It's the BALANCE of the two that creates a full circle of life. Without the sun, the moon would go dark. Without the moon, romance, dreams and mystery could go dark as well!
Balance. And the appreciation of the need for it.
Where did this inner soapbox oratory come from? Well, we were under a winter storm advisory for the last two days. People bustled around fretting, moaning, bitching, complaining, worrying, predicting what would happen in this area that is very well accustomed to winter storm advisories. Then there were a handful that had this little inner glow of a smile on their face. Like a gift was about to arrive on their life's doorstep. We all knew we were going to hit the local grocery store on our way home from work, grab a few extra cans of soup, bread and milk and deal with whatever Mother Nature bestowed upon us. And some of us loved the possibilities.
We got about half the predicted wet stuff; it laid a sparkling blanket of white all over the place that was muddy and gloomy from days of gray. When I opened my curtains this morning, there is was. A calming cover. The sound of momentary peace and tranquility under a blanket of white over everything that by the evening would be plowed and shoveled and shifted so that daily life could still go on for those who by the nature of bad timing would have to venture outside. It was all quite *doable* for the modern world that had to continue.
But I smiled from the inside out. It was a hybernating day for me. And now, I am going to push back from the keyboard and the little flat screen that allows me to be part of a much bigger world and takes me to magical places I will never in my 3-D life experience, curl up with a fuzzy fleece blanket, three feline buddies, a steamy Oregon Chai at arms length, and just... breathe the calm. Soul hibernation.
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